Identity Theft

Several years ago, I was deeply impacted by the "cardboard testimonies" shared at church, and around the internet. I was moved to tears watching the brave souls sharing their simplified, yet profound stories of being lost then found, bound now free. As I sat there, I asked myself "what would my cardboard say?... do I even have a testimony?... what would I want it to say?"  

I pondered; examining where I'd been, where I was, and where I wanted to go in life.
Where I'd been? There was darkness and hardship, but also blessing and provision. Ok, check. 

Where I was in that moment? Seeking depth and meaning in a shallow existence, and far from where I wanted to be. Hmmmm... not so great. ok, next. 

Where did I want to be? Not stuck where I was. Ok, so how do I get out?

That seems a logical question; "how do I get out? But I realized I was missing the why. Without a why, nothing changes. 

Why get out of the rut? Because it sucks here; it's lonely and hard.

Then, why am I stuck? I am afraid.

Why am I afraid? I hate failing. I don't really matter. It's not worth the risk. I can't do it. No one will accept me. And the list goes on.

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Invisible and Ordinary.

For most of my early life, I struggled with feeling invisible, unwanted, incapable, and unworthy. LIES. ALL LIES, I tell you!!! (said with the wisdom and clarity of hindsight) But, regardless of their fallacy, these lies controlled many of my decisions and kept me prisoner to my fears. 

The biggest consequence of my fears was that they crippled my daring dreams. While maybe not always fully formed, my deepest desires, had a flair for the grandiose. (I'm not talking about the silly frivolous kind that most little girls cycle thru during their childhood; these were the ones that always resonated at my core.)  Larger than life -- and certainly larger than the life I was "subjected" to, but how does a poor little girl from tiny-town, Arkansas accomplish that?!?!? That's right, she doesn't. It's not practical, possible, or normal, so just forget it! And I did. Or so I tried, constantly squashing my longings with logic and distractions. Lies, and more lies. 

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Why was I really afraid? I believed the lies about my identity. 

So, who am I, really? I am a chosen, worthy, able, beloved daughter of a sovereign King! 

I have a life that matters because I deeply love others, and can receive love in return. I have dreams that matter because God gave them to me to bring Him glory.

I had known this in that "church answer-y", disconnected, abstract sense.... but finally I started to believe it. Because I wanted to believe it, my true identity became my "why" to get out of that rut. I started to claim my identity as I re-examined my goals and dreams, taking baby steps along the way. 

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Shining and Extraordinary!

I yearn to be an extraordinary, guiding light, full of the spirit! 

I dream of being a "rockstar for Jesus" (in the literal/musical sense and the figurative/legacy-leaving sense). Of making a positive impact on those around me --and on the masses. I dream of going around the globe, meeting fascinating people in ordinary towns and telling their stories. I dream of a world where every kid has food, clean water, shelter, and access to quality education. A world that understands that love is blind-- to skin, shape, sex and status, but never blind to the soul and spirit. A world where we are One. 

These are BIG dreams, and that's ok! They could bring a little bit more Heaven to Earth. It's almost guaranteed that each dream, and my role in them, will change over time -- and they already have. God is constantly refining and shaping my visions for the future. But, I finally figured out that as long as I am continually striving to accomplish these dreams in obedience to God, I WILL be an EXTRAORDINARY light along the way. I want to be mindful of my God-given name and claim it as it shapes my every action and decision!

My cardboard would say:

Victim of Spiritual Identity Theft: Thought I was Invisible and Ordinary

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Believe God's promises: I know I am Shining and Extraordinary!

What would YOURS be?

Will you dare to follow your God-given dream?

Would you like some help finding or clarifying your dream? I'd love to help you!